Dating on a diet can be summed up in one word: hard. And dating on the super-restrictive diet that is Whole30? Practically impossible. Of course, no one wants to come across as too picky or a Debbie Downer. And letting yourself (and your healthy habits) go can be so fun! Sharing late-night slices after talking for hours, that one last cocktail before calling it a night… they’re great parts of dating.
But sometimes, eating healthy is a bigger priority than throwing your diet out the window in the name of love. When you’re several days into Whole30 and think you’ve met your match, of course you don’t want to say no to a night on the town. But saying yes often means an evening filled with awkward convos when it comes to food and drinks. Here’s to those of us who have felt anything but whole while dating on Whole30.
1. I promise, I’m not normally this high-maintenance. It’s just the one month.
I’m just doing this thing that’s totally going to make me feel good. And me feeling good = us having a really nice time, right?
2. Yes, drinking is fun, but there are other options…
We could go to a concert, check out the aquarium or zoo, stop by a stand-up comedy show, sneak into a hotel pool, give bowling a try, go on a boat ride, take a yoga class… the options for drink-free dates are endless. Bonus: We’ll both wake up feeling great! No hangovers here.
3. Sometimes things are better left unsaid… like the list of foods currently on my naughty list.
Let’s focus on the positive. Right now, I love avocado, sweet potato, meat, seafood, and eggs. As for what I don’t, let’s save that for date number two…
4. I love cheese! But not enough for you to feed me some in this moment.
On Whole30, I don’t eat cheese—or any other dairy. And as adorable as I think it is that you’re trying to give me a bite of your food, I really, really can’t right now.
5. I think it’s time you know the truth: There are certain things I’m not eating—or drinking. And I swear, it doesn’t mean I’m a Negative Nancy.
You know how people say you should date someone who brings out the best in you? Well, right now, I’m eating foods—like healthy fats, organic veggies, and sustainable seafood—that bring out the best in me!
6. Besides, doing Whole30 means I’ve gotten good at planning more than just my meals.
Let me come up with diet-friendly date ideas!
7. I mean… cooking is pretty romantic.
Let’s make this simple: Skip the complicated orders and awkward questions (“Excuse me, waiter, does the sauce have sugar?”). Instead, come over for my famous roast chicken. Is it me, or is it getting hot in here?
8. Ohhh, did I just hear you say you’re vegetarian?
Whole30 does mean I’ll be eating quite a bit of meat, but I stick to organic and grass-fed. I promise not to impose my meat-eating habits on you.
9. Please stop asking me if I want to cheat—just for tonight.
Yes, pizza is delicious. And yes, secretly drinking wine in coffee cups while walking around the city is super fun. But Whole30 isn’t about cheat days—I’m not going to cave! It’s only 30 days! I CAN DO THIS!
10. I know you were trying to be nice by ordering dessert for us to split, but…
Whole30 means no sugar. Sorry, sugar.
11. I’m not impossible to take out to dinner, I swear. It’s just a little bit harder this month.
Find me a place with local stuff, like sweet potatoes and organic chicken, and I’ll be happy as a clam! Besides, farm-to-table is all the rage these days.
12. I can’t believe I dragged myself out on another date.
But hey, showing up is half the battle. And the best match won’t bat at an eye at my sugar-, alcohol-, dairy-, grain-, legume-, and sulfite-free diet.
13. Yeah, no, I can’t follow the Whole30 eating plan, but ignore the booze-free part.
Sure, I could, but then it wouldn’t actually be Whole30. And I owe it to myself to at least try going all-in! I have to follow my heart here.
14. When I find someone who isn’t eating dairy or gluten either.
Is this what love feels like… ?
15. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
Hey, if we can conquer having completely opposite diets and eating habits, we can conquer the world.